Titles in Set:
- The Private Blog of Joe Cowley
- Welcome to Cringefest
- Return of the Geek
- Straight Outta Nerdsville
The Private Blog of Joe Cowley
Sunday 1st January
So here's the thing. I've decided to start writing a blog. A private one. The idea is that it'll help me sort my life out, because quite frankly, it can't get much worse . . .
- I gained the nickname Puke Skywalker after vomiting over Louise Bentley on the waltzer.
- I am subjected to daily wedgies by my arch-enemy Gav James.
- My so-called best mates are trying to get me killed in a bid to win £250 on You've Been Framed.
This cannot go on. I have to do something, or I'll end up like Mad Morris down the park who thinks he's Jesus. By the end of next term, I'm going to be a completely different person. At least, that's the theory...
Welcome to Cringefest
Right blog. I'm back! Let's not waste time with pleasantries-there is absolutely NOTHING pleasant about my life right now.
Reasons why everything is terrible:
- The love of my life, AKA Natalie, still hates me all because of one tiny, OK huge, mistake.
- Natalie has now started hanging around with my so-called 'friend' Greeny. Since January, he's lost about half of his body weight and now girls actually fancy him!
Harry, Ad, and Greeny AKA The Sound Experience have had a top ten dance hit with a sample of my voice saying 'I'm as gay as the day is long'.
Still, at least there's Buzzfest to look forward to. Who knows, once we're there, amid all the beautiful people, scenery and music, Natalie might realize I am the love of her life and return into my waiting arms. On the other hand, it could just be full of weirdos, overflowing toilets from hell, and death metal .
Return of the Geek
It's the start of another term and there are three things that SUCK about my life:
- I am STILL sharing a bedroom with my step-brother Gav (AKA Shrek's stinkier twin).
- My mum is 6 months pregnant and therefore cabbage-kickingly MENTAL.
- I'm about to have a high speed rail line (i.e. brace) installed in my gob!
The only non-sucky thing is that I've got a GIRLFRIEND! A real one! Who actually wants to SNOG me!!! The problem is her dad officially HATES MY GUTS and is determined to make my life a LIVING HELL. Oh, and this smarmy loser called Seb is trying to steal her off me with his rubbish DJ skills.
There's just one thing for it - me and my best mates Harry and Ad are going to have to enter the same DJ competition as Seb and WIN!
What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
Straight Outta Nerdsville
Blog! You have NO IDEA how happy I am right now. I'm smiling so much, I look like The Joker in a wind tunnel. GET A LOAD OF THIS: - Harry, Ad, Greeny, and me are living in our own flat, right in the heart of the city. I know, amazing! We're city-slicking, hard-hustling, good-timing, not-even-missing-our-mummies-one-little-bit city boys. - The Sound Experience are about to sign a major recording contract and as their manager I intend to shake the music industry to its core with my unconventional approach. - AND I'm dating a cool older girl, who is totally into my sophisticated city-boy charm. Big things are happening! The Tammerstone Massive are keeping it real and living it large. Fame, fortune, and fast cars await... it definitely won't end in failure, fiasco, or fighting...